i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
