The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
