What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
