How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
