just tell him i said nine months
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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