i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
