Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
