woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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