y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
