saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
