the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
