I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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