All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
