new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
