Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
