I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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