um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
