so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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