Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
