He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
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We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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