She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
