I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
