3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i would punch a child for taco bell
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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