The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
