I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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