BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
