Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
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