Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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