i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
