somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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