Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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