hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
