I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize