Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
