Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
