It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
