it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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