so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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