Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
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