my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
