does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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