So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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