That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
