I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
