But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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