when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You took a bar mat shot.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
