After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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