Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
