Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
