Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
