the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
last night I used snow as a chaser
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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