nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
