mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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