Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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