You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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