I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
