I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
