So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
