the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?