He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
