Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table