I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.