It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
