Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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