I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
