he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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