so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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