happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
