I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
