I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
